BIG SUR: $275 AND UP (and up and up)
THE BIG SPENDER'S BREAKDOWN: Ventana vs. Post Ranch
Unless you've stayed at these two grandes dames of big sur, you probably have only a vague notion of what they are actually like. Anything written about either one tends to be breathlessly littered with words like "spectacular," "paradise," and "quiet luxury." That's lovely, but it's not very helpful. Instead, we give you a gush-free, side-by-side look at where to stay when you decide to blow the big bucks.

Ventana Inn & Spa
Origin: In 1975, Larry Spector took the dough he made off Easy Rider and constructed the ultimate dropout pad.
What keeps them coming back: Paths that meander through bursting gardens to trails into the woods.
Defining Touches: No one has devoted this much real estate to communal bathing since, well, the seventies. In other neo-hippie touches, Enya croons at breakfast every day, and the CD in the room is a classical guitar ode to Led Zeppelin.
The Crowd: Recession-proof fiftysomethings who probably came through Big Sur in the seventies sleeping in their VW bus and smoking pot.
Room to roam: 2 acres per guest
Quirks: Our bellman gives the control panel a Fonz-like smack to make the heater rattle to life. He notices the room is missing its slippers, but that doesn't mean we ever get any. Oh, and when the tub drains, it makes the sound of a dying buffalo.
On the shelf in the library: The Origami Handbook
The rooms: 60 rooms sheathed in unfinished redwood are classically of their era—minus the shag rugs and avocado bathroom fixtures. Many are showing their age, but planned renovations promise to give us the high, fluffy, duvet-covered beds we expect at this price.
Supper-time scene: Cielo is a romantic half-mile walk from the inn, and everyone seems to have a happy memory of eating on the deck here. But the food has fewer hits than misses.
The spa experience: After getting lubed up in an ocean-view massage room, wander down to the clothing-optional pool to let the sun warm your newly kneaded muscles.
The big splurge: Without a doubt, 1 through 4—the newest rooms—are tops, and they're easily twice the size of any room at Post Ranch. While the official rate on these babies is $1,000, they sometimes go for as little as $700.
Deals to be had: Rooms still vacant a couple days out are put on the website at a discount—a $450 room might go for as little as $275. In general, it's easier to work a deal at Ventana than at Post Ranch.
The bottom line: Depending on how you feel about the seventies, you'll either find it classic or awkwardly dated.
Want in?: (800) 628-6500, www.ventanainn.com.

Post Ranch Inn
Origin: In 1992, Mickey Muennig's mega-eco-friendly design won over the tree-hugger contingent, and this became the first resort to be built on the coast in almost two decades.
What keeps them coming back: The biggest eyeful of